Area Man Uses Bible Maps to Plan Family Vacation

Topeka, KA – After seven months of relentless study and reflection of the maps within his well-worn ESV, Bruce Michaels, 56, has finally prepared his upcoming family vacation to the Promised Land. Michaels, who manages a local Home Depot, decided to switch from more traditional methods of constructing itineraries after he noted several discrepanices between Fodor’s Travel Guides, Lonely Planet, and Let’s Go Travel Guides involving travel times, distances between cities, and prices for TGIF’s.  According to Michaels’ own report,  ”it was after the eighth error within these man-made documents that I decided to turn to the one infallible authority for my life,” adding that “my travel guide is no longer Let’s Go but Let God.” Cities within the Michaels’ trip now include Ofra, Ziddim, Ramoth-Gilead, Etam, and Shiloh, while Timanth, a current Philistine stronghold, was carefully avoided. “There’s no way I’m taking my family even close to Timanth, or Ashdod for that matter,” Michaels exclaimed. When questioned by a concerned neighbor, Michaels responded, “if these maps are good enough for God, then they’re good enough for me.”